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Week 8 -  Minnesota Vikings (2-4) @ Arizona Cardinals (7-0) -10

Is there anyone else in the NFL this year who has a winning record? I'm not complaining, I'm just asking is all.

This is the same sort of Minnesota team that's been flattering to deceive in the NFC North for about the last five years. On offence, they've got all the tools at the skill positions - man-mountain Daunte Culpepper throwing to Randy Moss - probably the most naturally talented wideout in the league. Long and painful experience against pacey backs tells me that there'll be at least one 60-yard-plus breakaway score from Michael Bennett, and as if that wasn't enough star quality they also seem to be fielding shouty, mostly-likable film-star and pseudo-musician Jack Black at tight end.

"So what about the defence?" I hear you ask.

"What defence?" I reply, a little too glibly.

In actual fact, the front seven really isn't too shabby at all, led by ROLB Chris Claiborne and monster defensive tackle Chris Hovan. However, this unit is undermined just slightly by the fact that long investigation by some of Earth's greatest scientists using state-of-the-art equipment has so far utterly failed to locate any evidence pointing toward the possible existence of a Viking secondary.

Of course, that hasn't stopped millions of fat, braying tourists turning up year after year in the futile hope of catching a glimpse and a blurry, inconclusive picture of a distant figure that might just be Brian Russell, but is much more likely to turn out to be an old tyre or a flock of geese seen from a funny angle.

That's human nature for you.

-

My pre-game fears about how Michael Bennett matches up against our run defence - which has a couple of terrific between-the-tackles players but a pretty average linebacker corps that's vulnerable to backs who have the speed to get around the corner out wide - look well-founded as he takes the first handoff of the game, outruns Levar Fisher and makes 14 yards on a sweep left. Naturally, having found our Achilles heel Mike Tice immediately goes away from it, calling three straight passes that are batted incomplete and forcing his team to punt.

That's the kind of coaching they've come to expect in Minnesota.

The catalyst for our ensuing drive is a blitz-beating flare pass to Brian "The Walking Fumble" Westbrook, who skips outside the covering safety and tears for 35 yards down the right sideline. Despite the strength of the Viking front seven, it's essential that we get a bit of a ground game going to slow the game down and restrict the opportunities for their big-play offence. We test a few different spots, and seem to find a bit of a weakness off the right tackle, Shipp first crashing for 11 down inside the five-yard line, then into the endzone to score the first points of the game.

One play. Culpepper to Bennett in the flat, shrugs off Bowden's tackle and gone, 80 yards to tie the game up.

Back we come, grinding out yards and moving slowly toward the halfway line. Looking to put a little variety into our largely ground-based attack, we come out three-wide. Plainly not wanting to leave their corners man-on-man with our wideouts, the Vikings drop into a Cover-2. One of the main weaknesses of that scheme, as long and painful experience taught us a couple of years ago, is that if you can't get a pass-rush off just your defensive linemen, eventually a receiver is going to get open and you are going to give up a big play. In this case, it's Macca who has time to come all the way across the field before finally popping open as he crosses the numbers on the right side. Jeff Blake rolls out and, under no pressure at all, hits his man right in stride for a 57-yard score. MIN 7-14 ARI

One play. Bennett getting outside containment, breaking free into the open field and gone, 80 yards to tie the game up.

We trade turnovers to finish the first quarter, Marcel's worrying continuation of his current fumble-fingered trend cancelled out as Culpepper tries to float a pass over our tenacious D to Jack Black, but succeeds only in finding Shawn Springs underneath. We're able to capitalise in a way that the Vikings aren't, however - the key play is a 3rd and 10 in which Johnno beats an attempted jam and finds a gap in the zone to the tune of 19 yards but Marcel Shipp is providing the rock that our efforts are built around and sublime blocking clears him a path into the endzone from five yards to give us the lead once again.

One play. For once, our safeties have man responsibility and aren't giving the corners help deep. With horrible predictability, Randy Moss blows right past Shawn Springs, Culpepper puts the ball up and Moss goes and gets it and is gone - 69 yards to tie the game up. There's a pattern emerging here, but I can't quite put my finger on what it might be.

Yeah, well. You can't make big plays if you don't have the fricking ball. We go 70 yards in 12 plays, 9 of them bullocking, clock-grinding runs, and cap the drive off with a short Dooberyflip field-goal. It looks like Minnesota are poised to at least tie the game up going in for the half when they return the kickoff back to halfway, but on the first play of the drive Culpepper looks for Kelly Campbell deep and while the pass just about clears David Barrett and Skip Benson, it doesn't clear Adrian Wilson and that's your lot. Halftime and it's a shootout, MIN 21-24 ARI

Marcel Shipp has been eating up yardage today, but he also seems to have caught a nasty case of Westbrookitis and just can't hang on to the bloody ball. He drops the thing again in the opening drive of the second half and, though we recover, it leaves us in a tricky 3rd and 16 just on the edge of field-goal range. For the second time this afternoon, we go to three-wide and the Vikings completely lose track of Shaun McDonald who picks up 22 and a first and goal over the middle. Jeff Blake finishes the job with the ever-popular quarterback sneak and it's the largest lead in the game - MIN 21-31 ARI

The following drive sees Minnesota with a 3rd and 1 at halfway and, predictably, give the ball to first-down machine Michael Bennett. Frankly, I'm amazed that Mike Tice hasn't tried to get the guy more involved because every time he's touched it, he seems to do what he does again now - beating our linebackers to the corner and breaking into the open field. Adrian Wilson is the only thing between the back and the endzone, and Bennett angles in, stands Wilson up and accelerates past on the outside. Ade can't line up a proper tackle and, in fact, barely gets an arm in in a token effort to save the score. Bennett busts through the pseudo-tackle and races for the endzone... but he's doing it without the ball, because Adrian's somehow managed to claw it from his grasp.

The turnover leads to a Whatshisname field-goal and we've finally got a bit of daylight - not that it lasts long, as Daunte Culpepper shows another of those flashes of genius that make his coaches want to put up with the near-constant flow of turnovers - in all sorts of trouble with his pocket folding around him Culpepper rolls out, launches a pass on the run that sails like a howitzer-shell thirty yards through the air to - who else? - Randy Moss, and just like that the gap is less than a touchdown, six minutes left. MIN 28-34 ARI

Jeff Blake does his best to try and dent our unbeaten record, throwing a pick straight to Chris Claibourne looking for Johnno over the middle, but given a last chance to try and rescue victory from the jaws of defeat, Culpepper throws at a double-covered Randy Moss three times only to have it batted away three times. Then on 4th and long, he shows why he was forcing the pass to Moss when Daunte manages to squeeze the ball into a yard of space to Nate Burlson, who promptly drops it. Huzzah for the One Superstar Wideout And A Supporting Cast Of Nobodies theory! That's 8-0, if you're counting, final score MIN 28-34 ARI

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(c) daniel roe 2004